Seriously. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
Every time I try to walk somewhere, he flies across in front of me at warp speed like an absolute mental. I have tripped over the bloody thing so many times, I'm surprised neither of us has broken a limb.
And it's not like he's a small cat either. If he was just this tiny ball of fluff, I could just
kick move him out of the way and keep going. But no... He's a bloody great beanbag with eyes. If I ever do fall over him properly, I'm going down like a sack of potato's. I'm going to end up killing either myself, him, or both of us.
I'm convinced that as soon as he does it, and I trip (and he WAITS for me to stumble... he. pauses. for. just. a. second.), he goes off to wherever it is that happy cats go, HappyCatLand or something, sniggers to himself, and plots the next fly-by. He thinks it's hilarious.
It's NOT funny. It's a sinister plot to get me down to his level so that he can disable me and TAKE OVER THE WORLD!